Well, then.

Fuck You (An Ode to No One)

I feel like I can’t go anywhere on the internet without running into a stupid argument. If it’s not pro-lifers gloating while pro-choicers stew over the recent Planned Parenthood thing, it’s conservatives and liberals arguing over which political alignment is worse than Satanic Sith Lord Neo-Nazi Death Eaters from Mordor. If it’s not our two parties (which I not-so-affectionately dub “Spineless” and “Evil”) bickering, it’s religious people whining about the fact that atheists exist (and have some valid points; namely all of them) while atheists defend themselves with angry, ill-conceived diatribes instead of the well-reasoned, mature arguments that are the basis of their (lack of) beliefs. Try to escape it all and I end up with

1) people telling me why my favorite guitar actually sucks (“PRSs are too perfect! They have no mojo!”)(“Fenders sound thin and wimpy!”)(“Martins are trapped in the past! They haven’t had any new ideas since the ’40s!”),

2) people telling me why my favorite music actually sucks (“In Rainbows was too compressed!”)(“Watershed* was too metal, not enough prog!”)(“Watershed was too much prog, not enough metal!”)(“Trent Reznor needs to get back on drugs, dump his wife, and write more albums that sound like the ones he was releasing 20 years ago!”),

3) and people telling me why everything else I love sucks (“The REAL Zelda games are 2D! The last good one was A Link to The Past**!”)(“Lord of the Rings/Harry Potter/Star Wars is just a ripoff of Harry Potter/Star Wars!”).***

Fuck, I can’t even look up lyrics to a song with seeing a long debate about how Saul Williams ruined ”List of Demands (Reparations)” by letting Nike use it in a commercial and how he has no credibility left and how do those poor Asian child slave laborers feel about him throwing them under the bus by selling the rights of an anti-corporate, anti-establishment song like that to an evil Satanic Sith Lord Neo-Nazi Death Eater from Mordor corporation!

For the love of everything good, STOP!

Seriously! I’m tired of your bickering! None of you fuckers cares about whats right. None of you fuckers cares about benefiting your fellow man. None of you fuckers cares about creating something beautiful, something better. None of you fuckers cares about anyone outside of your own Monkeysphere. How do I know?

Because you’re bitching and moaning and calling each other names and patting yourselves on the back for holding the moral high ground even though you’ve lost it by being such smug, confrontational hypocrites. Seriously, Human Race.

Grow the fuck up.

*I’ve heard the exact same criticisms of Mastodon’s two most recent records. The hardcore proggers don’t like the heavy riffing and death growls and the hardcore metalheads don’t like the clean vocals; softer, more melodic passages, and longer arrangements.

**Yes, it was fucking awesome and is still one of my favorites ever. That doesn’t change the fact that Ocarina of Time, Link’s Awakening, Minish Cap and Twilight Princess were all incredible games.

***Ironically, I have never heard anyone accuse HP or SW of ripping of LotR. Which is surprising considering that LotR came out decades before the other two and is widely considered the most influential fantasy saga ever written.

  1. onetruegeorge posted this