April 2012
32 posts
“But most of all, stop thinking that what people so loathingly refer to as the “friendzone” is some sort of purgatory women put “nice guys” into. My friendship is not a crappy consolation prize that you’re left with if I deny you a sexual relationship– and my body is not your reward for good behavior.”
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-Taylor Callobre, The “Good Guy” Myth (via albinwonderland)
I am of two minds on the whole “Friendzoning” thing.
On the one hand, there’s that fabulous quote along the lines of, “Women are not machines you dump kindness into until sex comes out” (or something along those lines). I completely agree with this statement. If you are friends with someone of whatever gender you are attracted to, and you have an ulterior motive of getting something else (e.g. sex) out of that friendship, then you’re not being a very good friend. Hell, you’re not being a friend at all. You’re actually being an entitled asshole. At that point, you may as well go hitting on girls at clubs; at least there you’re being honest about your intentions.
Here’s the flip-side: Let’s say you’re a single, unattached heterosexual female (if you are, this should not be a stretch). Let’s say you have a single, unattached heterosexual male friend (we’ll call him Adam). If Adam seems interested, and you’ve made it clear you’re not, then Adam is being an entitled asshole if he is still expecting something different from your friendship. If, however, you tease Adam with the possibility of a sexual relationship in exchange for other favors, then you are 1) partly responsible for the fact that he remains interested and 2) using him for your own selfish reasons in much the same way he wants to use you. You can’t dangle the carrot and then complain when the horse starts walking. It’s also extraordinarily hurtful to tell Adam that he’s such a sweet, kind, great guy and then wonder aloud why he doesn’t have a girlfriend when you’re not involved. It’s not a compliment; all it does is make him wonder what the hell is wrong with him that even women who (claim to) like him don’t, y’know, like him.
The problem I keep seeing when any sex- or gender-related conflict arises is that both sides tend to assume that its individuals are always innocent in word and deed, and noble in justification. Guess what: Members of both sexes are equally capable of being completely horrible and worthless individuals. For every Vlad Tepes, there’s an Elizabeth Bathory. For every Joseph Mengele, there’s an Irma Grese. (If you don’t know the names, Google them. Then go have a mug of hot Cocoa and watch Monsters, Inc. You’ll need it.) We all know men use and abuse women in some pretty insidious ways, can we stop pretending it’s sexist to assume that women do the same to men?
“Here’s a window into a tragedy within the American military: For every soldier killed on the battlefield this year, about 25 veterans are dying by their own hands.”
—New York Times columnist Nicholas Kristof • In an opinion piece on the death of soldiers after they return home. A few other key stats — more former soldiers have committed suicide after returning home than died in combat in Afghanistan and Iraq combined, being a veteran doubles the risk of suicide, and being a veteran between ages 17 and 24 quadruples the risk. Yikes. Read up on this disturbing trend. (via shortformblog)
Wow. The hospital’s internet connection does not like Tumblr. First world problems, I suppose.
